I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
