I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
