i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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