My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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