She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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