shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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