dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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