The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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