Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
