You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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