someone owes me an orgasm
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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