look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
