Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
