its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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