omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize