I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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