even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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