This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
