Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
