I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
