Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize