i was born a porn star she said
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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