'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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