3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
