he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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