he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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