I want to make a zoo with you.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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