Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
