i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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