Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
