and she was petting her beer can
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize