tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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