This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
