Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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