Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
