1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
