What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
