The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
