She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
