Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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