I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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