nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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