My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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