can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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