I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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