i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
