I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
