Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
