If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just want nice things and good sex
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
