Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
