his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
whose parrot is this?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize