Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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