I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
