my sisters under your porch take her home
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize