I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
