i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize