living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
