Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
