So drunk its hurt
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My ass is underappreciated
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
wow bdsm is so cute
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
