Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
