Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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