No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
