any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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