she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
