Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
